


Avoiding Urges

by larryspangel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mention of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6558601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryspangel/pseuds/larryspangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All his past behaviors were calling to him. He knew how easy it would be to just get up and grab a razor, but he knew he couldn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avoiding Urges

Tsukishima was tossing and turning in bed, his mind full of thoughts. As much as he tried to sleep, he couldn’t. He looked over at the clock to see that it was 3:30am. Fuck. His head was downward spiraling, all the worse things coming up. All his past behaviors were calling to him. He knew how easy it would be to just get up and grab a razor, but he knew he couldn’t. He stopped. _Just one more time wouldn’t hurt anyone. Whatever._

Tsukishima started getting up, about to give into his urges, when he got out his phone for a light. His background lit up and he saw the picture of Hinata and him on their one year anniversary. _I shouldn’t do this._ Tsukishima started tearing up, everything crashing down on him. He didn’t want to upset Hinata though. 

He turned to look at the clock again and it was now 3:40am. He wanted to call Hinata. He needed to call him. _Fuck it, he won’t care if I wake him._

“Hello?” Hinata answered sleepily. “Is everything okay Kei?” 

Tsukishima tried to answer, but starting crying instead. 

“Kei!? What’s wrong!?”

“I-I almost went to relapse. Everything has been such shit Shouyou. I haven’t seen my dad in almost a year, my mom is barely home, I feel like I’m getting worse at volleyball, my depression is getting bad again, I’m terrified that you will leave me because I’ve been a pain lately, and I just have been hating m-myself again.”

Hinata listened carefully, trying to stay calm for Tsukishima’s sake. “I’m proud that you called me instead of relapsing. That is a huge step and you should be proud of yourself too. You wouldn’t have done this a year ago. Your dad is an asshole for staying away for business that long and you don’t deserve that. Your mom has been busy with work, but she should still make more time for you. If it keeps bothering you, I think you should talk to her about it. You aren’t getting worse at volleyball. The first years respect and look up to you so much. You are an amazing blocker, Kei.” 

Hinata took a deep breath in and out, before continuing. “I will never leave you unless you want me to. Yes you’ve been a bit rude lately, but that is just something that happens in relationships. If it started to really affect me, I would have mentioned it to you and we would have talked through it. Communication is key and I try my best to keep us doing that. I love you more than anything in the world, Kei. You are my boyfriend, my teammate, my friend, and the person I want to spend my life with. I know that it’s probably way too soon to say that, us being second years and all, but that’s what I want in the future. I want to stay with you as long as you want me to.”

“I love you so much, I don’t know how I got so lucky. My thoughts really scared me tonight. I’ve been clean for so long and I almost ruined it.”

“It would be okay if you did ruin it. I mean it wouldn’t be okay, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Relapses don’t make your a terrible person or a failure. Self harm is an addiction and people relapse, while getting over the addiction. It’s normal and human. I’m so happy that you didn’t though. You really don’t understand how proud I am of you. You used to cut every day and look at you now. You have grown so much and I love how much happier you are now. You deserve all of the happiness in the world.”

“Do you think you could come over? I know it’s late and you would have to bike, but I really want you here…”

“Of course I can. I’ll leave my mom a note and then head out. I’ll see you in about ten minutes.” Hinata hung up and got up to write the note. 

Tsukishima laid back in bed and waited for his boyfriend to arrive. He felt bad for making him bike all the way here, but he was so happy he was. 

As Hinata had said, he arrived in ten minutes. The front door was unlocked, like usual, so he made his way upstairs and into Tsukishima’s room. “Hey,” Hinata said, as he entered the room.

“Hey.”

Hinata quietly walked over and crawled into bed next to Tsukishima wrapping his arms around him.

Tsukishima held on to him tightly, feeling a lot more relaxed. 

“I love you,” Hinata whispered. 

“I love you too, Shouyou.”


End file.
